Stories Untold

It is not a choice who you will become or what you are. Some argue that everyday you choose who you'll become the next day, but I think that those who really believe that, may consider themselves incredibly blessed since they obviously have no idea what it is not to be in control of oneself. This day of my life, ( who I am today ) was not a choice made by me, but by the forces who struggle over me (when you go really deep). Every action, deed, impression and every word said to me has made me what I am. The way I think, the way I react to things, formed by forces other than what I call my will. The mind is not who I am, what I'll do to things and about things. The mind is a vessel, a tool, such as the body, to bridge between the world and the heavens (or the spiritual reality). But the mind is clouded and fallen, limited to this world only. Every thought about God and heaven has become only physical, only a word in the mind, only a thought and that's it. And this thought may have been born out of a longing which has been planted by a previous experience or any other outer force. It was not a choice. Even the will itself can be manipulated. A man may think he wants one thing when he in fact wants something else. The wills collide to create confusion, distraction and a lost soul, and nobody really knows what's right and what's wrong. We do what we think is best, what seems good. Pain is bad, peace is good, that's how we learn of the good and the bad, but if a mind can be taught to believe that peace causes pain, then this mind is screwed. If this has been going on and on for decades, how can this man ever believe in anything else but the pain, unless, of course, he experiences a miracle. I guess I'm wondering; where's my miracle?

Today is a dull day. It's a beautiful sunny day outside but it should rain. Because that's the kind of day it is today. It's not bright and shiny. Not warm and cuddly. It's cold, wet and somewhat windy, just like me. Of course I'm not to say what day it is for you. I'm simply telling what day I'm having; really the only day that was on the plate. Served cold.

This is not my kind of world. Many say so. But it really isn't... What we think we know, is far away, so far away from our salvation and safety. And this is where I'm gonna stop because there's nothing we can do to stop it anymore... but we can slow it down. Somebody atleast try and do something. I will.

Fox has, yet again, canceled a very watchable Sci-Fi TV show. ( TSCC ) EDIT::: It had such potential to become a great show but they apparently tried to finish the story off at the end of season 2 and made a mess out of it. I'm not saying it sucked. It was more disappointing than bad, althouh I'm sure it had been a lot better if they'd been given time for a third season to finish it off. The last episode wasn't horrible, but it ended to leave you just wanting more; a real conclusion. Damn it!

This post was meant to be deeper and all that, but... I just fell of the chair and my mind rebooted... That smell is not me, it's you.

ERROR

Honesty, grace, forgiveness and love… If we would realize how much power there is in these and start living openly as a family in honesty, openly recognizing the good and the bad in us as well as recognizing that we’re all the same; human, faulty and in need of help from a saviour. That would end so much of the Christian competition that plagues our churches today. It would end the fear of confession and judgment, wouldn’t it…? It’s for too many people the only way they see, to look down on the ones’ they believe are weaker than them, in order to feel somewhat good about themselves. (ehm…sentence structure?)
We’re all human. We can try to think some are better than others, but that’s not the case. There are just different levels of sanity, where the definition of sanity is chosen by the individual (now I’m starting to confuse myself), but the point is; one mind is separate from the other, and as one mind sees one thing another may not (not so obvious as many think). We blame someone for raping someone, and call him a greater sinner just because we would never do such an evil act, but the fact is we already have. Sin is never really defined as specific actions in the Bible but some actions are defined as sin… A sinner is a sinner and is going to face the same fate as any sinner. The rapist goes to the same place as the one that said a bad word once. It’s not about action. Not about how we act or behave. It’s about attitude and our relationship with God. What I don’t understand is how much people preach this but won’t live it… We know better but still chose to live the way we’ve always done.

Does any of this make any sense? (my english sometimes betrays' me )

- J

I have so many questions. I’ve said heaps of things about not thinking too much and how often that’s my problem, about letting your mind go and the ridiculous human search for answers to every single thing out there. But this is our nature as people, as human beings. This is how we function. There’s a curiosity and a need to know. I’ve been condemning the very basic instincts of the human nature to find things out and simply figure out where we come from. Science, philosophy, religion, psychology and all that… We’re just trying to find our way back home. It’s a small part inside us that stayed when we left the garden behind us; a small piece of God and his love that couldn’t be taken away because we’re ultimately His children. Every creation contains a piece of its creator.
My questions often drive me insane. I could say that I pretty much every single time that I try to figure something out find myself very lost and very confused. I say need to know, when what I’m really trying to say is that I simply want find my way back home. I don’t have any solutions or answers. I only hope that I’d perhaps somehow stumble into it. Somehow fall back home. Fall into his presence, fall into his grace. Fall into the peace and righteousness that no one deserves. Fall, because I can’t seem to find any other way. I guess that’s a part of His grace. If only I’d get that.