Stories Untold

Today is a dull day. It's a beautiful sunny day outside but it should rain. Because that's the kind of day it is today. It's not bright and shiny. Not warm and cuddly. It's cold, wet and somewhat windy, just like me. Of course I'm not to say what day it is for you. I'm simply telling what day I'm having; really the only day that was on the plate. Served cold.

This is not my kind of world. Many say so. But it really isn't... What we think we know, is far away, so far away from our salvation and safety. And this is where I'm gonna stop because there's nothing we can do to stop it anymore... but we can slow it down. Somebody atleast try and do something. I will.

Fox has, yet again, canceled a very watchable Sci-Fi TV show. ( TSCC ) EDIT::: It had such potential to become a great show but they apparently tried to finish the story off at the end of season 2 and made a mess out of it. I'm not saying it sucked. It was more disappointing than bad, althouh I'm sure it had been a lot better if they'd been given time for a third season to finish it off. The last episode wasn't horrible, but it ended to leave you just wanting more; a real conclusion. Damn it!

This post was meant to be deeper and all that, but... I just fell of the chair and my mind rebooted... That smell is not me, it's you.

ERROR

Honesty, grace, forgiveness and love… If we would realize how much power there is in these and start living openly as a family in honesty, openly recognizing the good and the bad in us as well as recognizing that we’re all the same; human, faulty and in need of help from a saviour. That would end so much of the Christian competition that plagues our churches today. It would end the fear of confession and judgment, wouldn’t it…? It’s for too many people the only way they see, to look down on the ones’ they believe are weaker than them, in order to feel somewhat good about themselves. (ehm…sentence structure?)
We’re all human. We can try to think some are better than others, but that’s not the case. There are just different levels of sanity, where the definition of sanity is chosen by the individual (now I’m starting to confuse myself), but the point is; one mind is separate from the other, and as one mind sees one thing another may not (not so obvious as many think). We blame someone for raping someone, and call him a greater sinner just because we would never do such an evil act, but the fact is we already have. Sin is never really defined as specific actions in the Bible but some actions are defined as sin… A sinner is a sinner and is going to face the same fate as any sinner. The rapist goes to the same place as the one that said a bad word once. It’s not about action. Not about how we act or behave. It’s about attitude and our relationship with God. What I don’t understand is how much people preach this but won’t live it… We know better but still chose to live the way we’ve always done.

Does any of this make any sense? (my english sometimes betrays' me )

- J

I have so many questions. I’ve said heaps of things about not thinking too much and how often that’s my problem, about letting your mind go and the ridiculous human search for answers to every single thing out there. But this is our nature as people, as human beings. This is how we function. There’s a curiosity and a need to know. I’ve been condemning the very basic instincts of the human nature to find things out and simply figure out where we come from. Science, philosophy, religion, psychology and all that… We’re just trying to find our way back home. It’s a small part inside us that stayed when we left the garden behind us; a small piece of God and his love that couldn’t be taken away because we’re ultimately His children. Every creation contains a piece of its creator.
My questions often drive me insane. I could say that I pretty much every single time that I try to figure something out find myself very lost and very confused. I say need to know, when what I’m really trying to say is that I simply want find my way back home. I don’t have any solutions or answers. I only hope that I’d perhaps somehow stumble into it. Somehow fall back home. Fall into his presence, fall into his grace. Fall into the peace and righteousness that no one deserves. Fall, because I can’t seem to find any other way. I guess that’s a part of His grace. If only I’d get that.

Just a word of warning at first in case of confusion; I think I get off the track a number of times here and (as usual) seem to have problems to get to the point. The point is; words are worthless in the mouth of a spiritless man.

I have to stop trying to understand. I just have to let go. People around me are not more stupid nor smarter than me. We really are all the same. Your IQ number won’t grant you wisdom. Just because some do better in maths doesn’t mean they’ve got it figured out. But this people choose to believe. We want to be our own gods.

I wrote a long note; my thoughts about the confusion of humanity, about how lost we really are, but how we convince ourselves (because of our fears) that we’ve figured out the truth and how each individual create their own truth… I realized that I, once again, tried to figure the world out. I tried to fix the world with words. Tried to create my own belief and safe place that wouldn’t threaten my comfort and pride, just like every one else, just to come to the point of confessing God as God.
The world consists of lost souls trying to create their own god in themselves; a physical, touchable god that they can see and understand. A god with their face and named Knowledge.
I wish that I, calling myself a Christian, could let go of this dream of understanding and knowing: a traitorous illusion and an enemy of faith. These times don’t have room for the world-type of knowledge and what they call reason. This is, for me, the beginning of the test of fire; when my spiritual grounding is tried, and, honestly, it worries me since I know where I stand. What I’ve tried to do and what I know I’ve wasted my time on, worries me. I have dulled my senses and forced myself into forgetting by filling my mind with pictures of manmade lights and sounds. This way is easier and less scary. It’s much more fun. Who said God is less fun than the world, though?

I helped filming a pilot programme for a Christian TV channel here in Finland. I guess it’s a sort of a project by the Finnish Pentecostal church in my town about reaching out and living a true Christian life. A couple of the guys who run it went out in the streets with a small video camera, to ask people what they thought of Christians and such related questions. The answers were, selfish, arrogant, self-righteous, judgemental and condemning, hypocritical…etc. Christians, seriously, need to ask themselves why the world sees us like that. The pastor of the church mentioned in his message, now I can’t remember exactly the numbers, but he said that the majority (I remember 80%) of the worlds’ people have negative experiences of Christians. Seriously people, why? I feel that we far too often start to cite Bible verses that promise persecution and hostility from the world when we talk about how the people of the world feel about Christians. I think we’re indeed being arrogant and self-righteous. Maybe we should look into ourselves a little bit more, start being honest and open as a family; the way the Bible tells us to be. (I feel this is what I’d really want to say to my own church). I really believe that we could get a step further. I’m convinced we could be better than this. I can. I mean, there has to be a way even though I can’t see it myself, but I’m looking for it.

I lost my track a long time ago. What am I trying to say? Ask God.