Stories Untold

Just a word of warning at first in case of confusion; I think I get off the track a number of times here and (as usual) seem to have problems to get to the point. The point is; words are worthless in the mouth of a spiritless man.

I have to stop trying to understand. I just have to let go. People around me are not more stupid nor smarter than me. We really are all the same. Your IQ number won’t grant you wisdom. Just because some do better in maths doesn’t mean they’ve got it figured out. But this people choose to believe. We want to be our own gods.

I wrote a long note; my thoughts about the confusion of humanity, about how lost we really are, but how we convince ourselves (because of our fears) that we’ve figured out the truth and how each individual create their own truth… I realized that I, once again, tried to figure the world out. I tried to fix the world with words. Tried to create my own belief and safe place that wouldn’t threaten my comfort and pride, just like every one else, just to come to the point of confessing God as God.
The world consists of lost souls trying to create their own god in themselves; a physical, touchable god that they can see and understand. A god with their face and named Knowledge.
I wish that I, calling myself a Christian, could let go of this dream of understanding and knowing: a traitorous illusion and an enemy of faith. These times don’t have room for the world-type of knowledge and what they call reason. This is, for me, the beginning of the test of fire; when my spiritual grounding is tried, and, honestly, it worries me since I know where I stand. What I’ve tried to do and what I know I’ve wasted my time on, worries me. I have dulled my senses and forced myself into forgetting by filling my mind with pictures of manmade lights and sounds. This way is easier and less scary. It’s much more fun. Who said God is less fun than the world, though?

I helped filming a pilot programme for a Christian TV channel here in Finland. I guess it’s a sort of a project by the Finnish Pentecostal church in my town about reaching out and living a true Christian life. A couple of the guys who run it went out in the streets with a small video camera, to ask people what they thought of Christians and such related questions. The answers were, selfish, arrogant, self-righteous, judgemental and condemning, hypocritical…etc. Christians, seriously, need to ask themselves why the world sees us like that. The pastor of the church mentioned in his message, now I can’t remember exactly the numbers, but he said that the majority (I remember 80%) of the worlds’ people have negative experiences of Christians. Seriously people, why? I feel that we far too often start to cite Bible verses that promise persecution and hostility from the world when we talk about how the people of the world feel about Christians. I think we’re indeed being arrogant and self-righteous. Maybe we should look into ourselves a little bit more, start being honest and open as a family; the way the Bible tells us to be. (I feel this is what I’d really want to say to my own church). I really believe that we could get a step further. I’m convinced we could be better than this. I can. I mean, there has to be a way even though I can’t see it myself, but I’m looking for it.

I lost my track a long time ago. What am I trying to say? Ask God.